


Remember

by simpnap (sageofsimping)



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dream Team SMP Setting (Video Blogging RPF), Amnesia, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Betaed, Bittersweet, Dream Team SMP Angst (Video Blogging RPF), Dream Team SMP Spoilers, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memory Loss, Post-Manberg-Pogtopia War on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), Tales From The SMP, Time Travel, Web Series: Tales from the SMP, beta reader cried, beta reader threatened me, have tissues prepared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:29:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29523651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sageofsimping/pseuds/simpnap
Summary: The scuffed leather mocked Sapnap each time he opened the chest to retrieve another item, tucked neatly in the corner of his supplies. It served to remind him that locked away in that chest, was something that his fiancé was keeping from him. His brain echoed that it was likely nothing; some notes or something. But his heart tore, telling him that it was much worse.Sapnap turned his eyes back to the peaceful boy pressed against his side, listening to the quiet snores that echoed through the room. They built this library together. They build this city together. There was nothing he needed to worry about.Right?---------------Sapnap wishes he could take back all the bitter words tossed between him and Karl when suddenly, his fiance is ripped from his hands. He is forced to pick up the pieces of his failed relationship while also spending every moment with his ex-lover.
Relationships: Karl Jacobs/Sapnap
Comments: 14
Kudos: 134





	Remember

**Author's Note:**

> my beta threatened to punch me for this one, guys, i hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> :)

As noon struck, the sun settled high in the sky, perfectly shining its bright rays through the thin glass ceiling to bathe the room in warmth. The sunlight brushed against Karl’s cheek as his head fell to the side, resting comfortably against a pillow-like mushroom; one that towered above his head to shade the corner of the empty room. Soft snores left his mouth, sleep controlling his body despite the time of day.

The air that filled the library soothed him like a lullaby; the aged scent of paper and stacked leather-bound journals that served as a reminder of his greater mission.

His latest journey, through the swirling purple and blue portal that settled in the basement of the library, had knocked all his energy out. Even as he stumbled through the towering white halls of the Inbetween, he found himself dragging his feet to get from book to book.

A soft creak came from the library door, a heavy oak door that scraped against the wooden floors every time it moved. Sapnap leaned against the doorframe, his greeting catching in his throat before it made its way out as he noticed his sleeping fiancé.

He shuffled inside, closing the door slowly behind him, careful to not make too much noise. The books around him swallowed the noise, an added bonus of the bookshelves being the way they forced silence in the library. Sapnap took in the sun’s rays as he moved through the room, slowly lowering himself to the floor to join Karl against the mushroom. Just beyond the walls, a city busied itself, citizens building homes and farming crops. But for now, within the confines of the stacked books, it was just Sapnap and Karl.

Karl’s head lulled, laying against Sapnap’s shoulder as he slept peacefully. He smiled, reaching up to lazily brush the curls from Karl’s forehead as he shifted closer. His eyes fell to the glimmering black chest in the corner of the room, his heart pounding slightly as he remembered its contents. Tucked carefully away, locked in his ender chest would be a closed book, the words scribbled on the pages unknown to Sap.

It had been about a week since the book made its way to his possession.

_ The loud patter of shoes clambering against wood planks, only accompanied by the heaving breaths that left Karl’s chests as he rushed down the Prime path. Not even the hiss of a creeper, nor its explosion, could slow him down as his feet pounded towards the middle of the SMP. He knew Sapnap would be there, waiting at the spider grinder, like he did most nights he didn’t have much to occupy his time. _

_ Karl tightened his hand around the thick leather, the pages threatening to crush under the desperate pressure. The panic ripped through his lungs, adding a level of difficulty to his running. His mind whorled, similar to the portal he had just ripped himself from; the purple echoing hues that haunted him now. _

_ His journeys began as fun; neat insights into the server before his addition to it. But as time drew on, he stretched himself too thin, and was beginning to crack under the pressure. _

_ The book warned him. It described exactly what would happen as he traveled more and more, yet he failed to heed its knowledge until it was far too late. His brain was beginning to unravel. _

_ But he didn’t want to forget. _

_ As he approached the lit entrance; a basic hole in the ground to where his fiancé should be waiting for him, his chest ached at the thought of forgetting everything he’s done. Everyone he’s met. Everyone he’s loved. _

_ He couldn’t forget Sapnap. _

_ Karl took the plunge, the descent so quick it knocked the wind out of his lungs as he settled in the thin puddle of water at the bottom of the hole. His wide brown eyes, drowning in misery and worry, locked with the fiery irises leaning against the granite wall. _

_ “Karl?” Sapnap questioned, pushing himself off the wall to hurry to Karl’s side, his hand quickly moving to cup his cold cheek. He took a desperate breath, his head pressing into the warm skin that embraced him as he closed his eyes, welcoming the sweet touch. _

_ “I need,” he panted, his chest aching to regain composure. “Take this.” Karl spewed, his hands immediately thrusting the thick journal against Sapnap’s chest with a soft thud. His fiancé stumbled back slightly, removing his hand from his face, something Karl wished hadn’t happened. _

_ Sapnap grabbed the book, his head cocking to the side as he examined the scuffed binding, searching for any clues to the contents on the pages. _

_ “Don’t read that.” He explained. “All I need is for you to keep that. In your ender chest.” _

_ “What is it?” Sapnap asked, shifting away to walk to the black chest tucked in the corner of the room. He opened it, sliding the book into place without a second thought. _

_ “It’s…” Karl paused. Explaining the ink on the page would lead to explaining everything he’s done; everything he needs to do. “It’s important to me. Just keep it, please.” _

_ Sapnap nodded, letting out a soft chuckle as he crossed his arms across his chest. “If it’s important to you then why am I keeping it?” _

_ “I need you to give it to me one day.” He said, walking back to his fiancé to grab his hands. Karl’s hands slotted perfectly into Sapnap’s, the heat from them seeping into his bones. _

_ “When?” _

_ “You’ll know.” He whispered, bringing their hands up to his lips, pressing a sweet kiss against Sapnap’s knuckles. _

The scuffed leather mocked Sapnap each time he opened the chest to retrieve another item, tucked neatly in the corner of his supplies. It served to remind him that locked away in that chest, was something that his fiancé was keeping from him. His brain echoed that it was likely nothing; some notes or something. But his heart tore, telling him that it was much worse.

Sapnap turned his eyes back to the peaceful boy pressed against his side, listening to the quiet snores that echoed through the room. They built this library together. They build this city together. There was nothing he needed to worry about.

Right?

He shook his head as he let out a deep breath, shifting out from under Karl, careful to prop his sleeping fiancé back against the first mushroom of their town. Sapnap pushed himself off the ground, using the bookshelf next to him to steady himself as he gathered his thoughts.

The chest mocked him, drawing him closer as he toed through the expansive room. He slowly lifted the lid, careful to not wake the sleeping boy. He reached in, grabbing the rough binding. Sapnap pulled it out, turning it over in his hands a few times as he glanced over to Karl, his eyes softening as he smiled slightly.

Whatever it was that was written in this book, Karl needed it.

As Sapnap sucked in a deep breath, he cracked open the front cover of it, breathing in the scent of ink and paper as his eyes scanned the first page.

_ Diary Entry #28 _

_ Like the books said, I’m starting to forget. _

_ I knew this would happen eventually, but I didn’t think it would be so sudden. _

_ When I came back, the room didn’t look familiar. I didn’t remember where the doors led, or any of the books that I have written. Nothing looked familiar. _

_ It came back to me. Slowly as I read through the diary entries. But I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t remember the people I love. So, I’m leaving this with Sapnap so he can give it to me when I need it. _

_ So, I guess, hi me, it’s you. _

Sapnap snapped the cover of the book shut, turning to stare at the peaceful frame propped under the cover of the mushroom. Came back from where? How long had he been journeying off without telling him? Obviously long enough to accrue twenty-eight journals.

As he flipped to the next page, he watched Karl out of the corner of his eye, noticing as the younger man stirred from his slumber. Sapnap froze, considering tucking the book away again into his chest, to pretend like he hadn’t read anything.

But he needed answers.

So, as he watched Karl stretch his arms up, a small yawn escaping his lips as he smiled at his fiancé. Their eyes stayed connected for a minute before the soft brown ones across from him fell to the book. His smile slid away, quickly replaced with furrowed brows and an open mouth.

“Good morning,” Sapnap said softly, his words wavering in his throat. He cringed, clearing his throat as he tugged the book closer to his chest. Karl stumbled to his feet, the sleep still dragging his body down.

“Wh- “He stammered, “Did you read that?”

“Not… All of it.”

Karl tensed, “How much of it did you read?” The tone of his words read cold, bitterly jabbing at Sapnap’s heart.

“The first page.” Sap whispered, “I’m so sorry, Karl. I just…”

“Just what?” Karl exclaimed, grabbing the book to rip it from Sapnap’s grip. “Just decided to betray my trust? Just decided to do the  _ one _ thing I asked you not to.”

“Karl, please,” Sapnap begged, reaching for his fiancé. Their eyes locked again; this time Karl’s brown ones full of swirls of emotions. Fear, pain, betrayal. He watched as the other’s lip twitched, falling into a frown as he dropped the book, watching it fall flat against the wooden floor.

“It doesn’t matter. You’ve already read the first page. You might as well read the rest of it.”

Sapnap’s heart torn, the look on his lover’s face something he wished to never see again. He stepped forward slightly, ignoring the book that rested next to his feet.

“Karl, listen. I…” The words floated around his head but refused to leave his lips. How was he supposed to admit that he was scared of what Karl could be keeping from him? That the fleeting thought crossed his mind, that he wasn’t enough for Karl.

“You, what?”

“I was scared.” He admitted, “I-I don’t know what it was. But having this book in my chest. I kept seeing it and just wondering… What you wouldn’t want me to see.”

Karl paused, his eyes softening for a moment, a speck of weakness floating around in his irises. The room turned silent as Karl bent down to pick up the thick journal from the floor. He cleared his throat, tightening his fingers around the materials.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I scared you.” He mumbled, “But, I have a good reason. Please, trust me.”

“I do trust you,” Sapnap mused softly, stepping forward to place his hand lovingly on his lover’s shoulder.

Karl flinched, his eyes avoiding looking towards the soft, sad expression in front of him. “Obviously not enough,” he mumbled, pressing the book to his chest as he brought his hand up to wipe the tear that spilled onto his cheek.

“Karl,”

“Don’t.” He spat, pushing Sapnap’s hand off of him, letting it fall to his side. “I need some time.” He mumbled, glancing up to make eye contact with him once more before he disappeared down the library stairs, into the basement.

Sapnap stood alone, the empty room silent and still as he turned his eyes up to the glass ceiling, to the sun. He sighed, his chest feeling empty and his head pounding. He just needed time, that was all. Then everything would be normal again.

Outside the window, he heard laughter, the people of their city enjoying the sun’s warmth as they playfully jostled. For once, Sapnap felt urged to leave the quiet and join them.

As the oak door slid shut, the somber man disappearing behind its frame, a quiet hum emerged from the basement, accompanied with a flash of purple light. The library was empty.

The day passed, the sun hiding behind the horizon as the air stilled, everyone having retreated to their homes for the night. Sapnap sat out by the lagoon, a family of squids swimming by his feet as he stared at his rippled reflection in the dark water. He still hadn’t gone back to the library; not since he left Karl alone there. His heart tugged him in that direction, but he grounded himself, forcing himself to allow Karl to make the first move back.

After all, he was the one who betrayed Karl’s trust.

A soft sigh left his lips as he turned his head towards crunching grass, his hand grabbing the sword on his hip in preparation to take out whatever creature of the night had spawned near him.

“Karl,” he whispered as his eyes landed on his fiancé, who stood a few feet away, glancing around them. His eager brown eyes took in the sights of the city as he drew closer to Sapnap.

“You… Are Sapnap, right?” he questioned, each word digging into Sap’s heart like knives.

He had forgotten.

“Uh,” he cleared his throat, tears welling in his eyes. “Yes. I am.” Sapnap’s eyes fell to the book clutched in Karl’s tight arms.

“The book says you’re my fiancé?”

Sapnap nodded slightly, “Yeah.” He choked out, the warm tears slipping down his cold skin. It stung. In more ways than just one.

Karl nodded, sitting down at the edge of the water next to Sapnap, his eyes flitting over him. Almost as if he was trying to remember.

“Would you mind…” Sapnap tried, his voice cracking as he wiped his eyes. “Telling me what you know?” He knew that whatever it was that he was feeling -the pain, anguish, fear- Karl was feeling tenfold.

“What I remember?” he asked softly, brushing his fingers against the leather pressed against his chest.

“Yes, please.”

Karl cleared his throat, tears rolling down his cheeks as he looked out into the lagoon, the squids floating by as a constant reminder of the passage of time.

“I know my name is Karl. And your name is Sapnap. You’re my fiancé. We… met a few months ago, but I don’t remember how. I didn’t write that down.”

Sapnap couldn’t help but smile, a wet and teary laugh ripping from his throat. “Uh, you joined the server, I’ve been here for a while. But I ended up killing you and giving you a golden apple to get you to forgive me.”

“And did I?” Karl asked, a small smile on his lips.

“Well, I’d like to think you did.” He laughed again, wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand.

Karl sighed as he slid the journal down to his lap, resting his hand on top of it. “I wish I could remember that. You seem… Just like what I wrote.”

“What all did you write?”

“Mostly about how much I loved you,” Karl whispered, tears pricking again as he cleared his throat. “About how excited I was to marry you.”

Sapnap’s chest felt crushed. Like all of the tension in the air, from the fight earlier to this moment, all fell on him at once, slowly suffocating him in all his mixed emotions. He wanted Karl. And while the boy who sat beside him looked awfully like his fiancé, he knew he wasn’t the same person.

“You don’t have to do that by the way. The wedding, I mean.” Sap announced, his lip quivering as he tore his eyes from the familiar face. “You don’t know me.”

Karl nodded slightly, the air around them settling into a new, almost peaceful aura, as they both stared into the water. It was the first thing they looked at when they started Kinoko Kingdom, and it seemed poetic, in a way, that this is where they would have their fresh start.

“I want to know you.”

* * *

Sapnap spent the next few days taking Karl from landmark to landmark, reintroducing the history of the server to him. He politely waited as the joyous boy declared he wanted to explore every nook and cranny of the crater left in the wake of the latest war, he lent him his trident when he asked to wander atop the roof of the blackstone prison which housed his best friend, he fought off all the mobs that came near as they wandered through the dusty forgotten ruins of a cave covered in wooden buttons, one that foresaw the events its creator would execute.

Every time someone would walk past, their eyes would fill with sorrow and pity, shooting Sap a knowing glance. Word traveled quickly around here.

But even as they wandered the grounds, their feet pounding against the wooden Prime path as they ran from George, who they had just scammed out of five golden apples and ten diamond blocks, his chest swelled not with sadness, but with joy.

It was difficult for him to explain. A raging battle of emotions swirled in his head, but he mostly just felt happy. He had his friend by his side, as they ventured together through the woods and through the oceans. It was just him and Karl, like the times before they got engaged.

So what if he had to stop occasionally to give a brief review of why the ground was coated in red twisting vines? Or explain why a deserted stone room, previously filled to the ceiling with books, seemed so familiar to him.

He would gladly explain anything Karl asked. And Karl would gratefully listen, absorbing each word like it was the only thing keeping him alive.

When the dark came each night, Karl would retreat to the basement of the library. Until the early morning hours, he would scan the pages repeatedly, making his way through all of his journals, the only light to brighten the words on the page being the low glowing hum from the purple and blue swirl behind him.

Sapnap knew to leave him there, to not push it as he walked back to their previously shared house perched upon the top of the hill, overlooking the city they had built together.

It hurt, returning home without him.

* * *

Every afternoon, as the blazing sun-heated their path, Sapnap would take Karl through the woods, listening to every piece of information he had learned the night before. Karl spoke with such excitement, the words bubbling from his chest with an energy Sap hadn’t seen from his friend in a very long time. He smiled, carefully correcting him if something he said was wrong, simply explaining the truth, which Karl would always scribble down in a worn journal he carried with him.

One day, George pulled Sap aside, leaving Karl to stare at the impressive depths of a mine behind Kinoko Kingdom.

“How’s it going?” he asked, his word laced with concern. For the most part, everyone on the server left the two of them alone, not wanting to overwhelm the amnesiac with too many interactions at once. George was one of the only exceptions, as he joined them on their walks occasionally.

“He’s definitely learning. I think he likes it when he figures something out from before.”

George nodded, peering over Sapnap’s shoulder to watch Karl writing in his book. “Listen, I just wanted to tell you something. I went to the prison yesterday.”

Sapnap tensed, his lips pressed into a thin line. “Yeah? Did he talk to you?” he asked quietly.

“Yeah, he did.” He explained, “I mentioned Karl.”

“And?”

“He told me something interesting that I think you should know.” George said quietly, dragging Sap a little further away from Karl.

As George wandered away, Sapnap returned to Karl’s side, his brows pressed together in thought as he chewed on his lip.

“Hey! How’s George?” Karl said cheerfully, tucking his journal away to put his full attention on his friend.

Sapnap looked up at Karl slightly, clearing his throat. “George is good. Annoying, as always.” He joked.

Karl laughed, “What did he want?”

“He…” Sap paused, his chest warning him to keep his words in his head. “Told me something I didn’t know.”

“Oh,” Karl said, his brows furrowing with worry as he noticed the shift in his voice.

“Yeah…” he sighed, “Karl… Why didn’t you tell me?”

He watched as Karl tensed, laughing nervously. “Tell you what? I don’t remember anything. Other than what you’ve told me.”

“The portal, Karl.” Sap said, his words laced with bitterness and anger. “I know about the portal.”

The air stilled around them, Karl’s eyes widening as he sat up straight. The tension returned between them, similar to the night of the incident, but this time, Karl cleared his throat and looked away.

“I was told not to.”

“By who?” he asked, words softening.

“I-I don’t know. I can’t remember. I just wrote it in my book that no one could know.”

“Why?”

Karl paused, opening his journal again to scratch down a few notes. “You could get hurt.” He whispered, glancing back up at him. “I don’t want you hurt.”

Sapnap laughed slightly, his chest aching as he looked towards the bottom of the mine. “I’m already hurt, Karl.”

“I know.”

“I-I wake up every day in a house that we built together. I look out of my window and see a city we created. I see pictures of us on the walls. And I miss you. Every day, I miss you more and more because I-I spend all this time with you, trying to help you remember and I want to just hold you close and kiss you and I want to get married to you, Karl.” Sapnap cried, tears spilling down his face, his chest heaving as he struggled for air.

“But you don’t remember doing any of that.” He continued, “You don’t have to wake up and remember what it was like to be in love and to be planning a wedding. I have to just see you and be close to you and  _ want. _ But I can never  _ have. _ ”

Sapnap reached up, wiping the steady tears from his eyes. His lungs burned, craving for the crying to stop as he closed his eyes, trying to press them away. He sniffled, feeling as Karl’s fingers pressed against his wrist. Sap opened his eyes, turning to look at his friend, the pain radiating from his heart as he saw the tears running from the brown eyes across from him.

Karl lifted Sapnap’s hand, pressing the other’s palm against his cheek as he stared at him. He smiled slightly, holding Sapnap’s hand against his face.

“You can have.” He whispered, pulling him closer as he lightly pressed their lips together, a loving explosion of all the emotions Sapnap was feeling. They held each other close, tears still flowing from both of their eyes as Sap reminisced on the feeling of kissing his fiancé. All the times they ran from the rain, to take shelter under the towering oak trees, all the times they clung to each other in the aftermath of raging wars, all the times Karl emerged from the basement of the library only to immediately find Sap and hold him close.

But this time, it felt different. Karl was a different person now. A new lover, a new friend. A new feeling of sparks as their lips crashed. It was unlike any other kiss they had shared. It felt more real.

Karl’s fingers pressed into Sapnap’s skin, a silent cry for closeness and affection as their lips pulled apart. They rested their foreheads together as Karl laughed softly, wiping Sap’s tears away as he left a fluttering kiss on the tip of his nose.

“I don’t sleep much now. I don’t really know how much I slept before,” he said softly. “But I just read and read and read. I can’t stop reading about you. Things I wrote, things you told me. Everything is about you. I’m kinda crazy.”

Sapnap smiled, chuckling slightly as he leaned forward to initiate another kiss, only for Karl to pull back just enough to prevent contact.

“I’m not done.” He said with a grin. “You got yours, I get mine.”

Karl waited for a beat before he continued, “I may not remember being in love with you before or planning our wedding or any of that, but I do know that I am in love with you, Sapnap. I wrote in my book, before the incident, that if I forgot, I would fall in love with you all over again. I thought it was stupid, but the more time I spent with you, the more in love with you I am. I love your stupid little sniffles, I love the way you make me feel, I love the words you say. Everything.” He explained, his eyes glued to Sap’s.

“I know I’m not the same. I know I don’t remember everything and that it’s probably frustrating. But I want this. I want  _ us. _ ”

Sapnap laughed as he pulled Karl into a tight hug, his arms nearly crushing the smaller boy. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

* * *

_ The first thing you need to know is that the very handsome, caring man who handed you this book, his name is Sapnap. Sometimes you call him Sap or Sappy Nappy. He will say that Sappy Nappy is stupid, but he secretly loves it, so keep it up. _

_ That’s your fiancé. Your best friend. He will be there for you no matter what, and he will help you try to remember everything. Ask him to take you around. He likes it when you go for walks together so make any excuse to keep doing it. _

_ Sapnap is a special person. You’ll grow to love him just like I do. _

_ I always find him when I travel. Or I guess it’s not him, but like his reincarnations. They always feel safe. Try to find them as you continue on the mission. They will help you there just like he helps you here. _

_ Learn everything about him again. About his birthday, his friends, his hobbies. Because those are the best things I know now. You’ll find that he has a very nice way with words. _

_ Write everything down for later. If you’re anything like me, you’ll never want to forget him. _

**Author's Note:**

> comments/feedback always appreciated!!


End file.
